


Abandonment Issues

by LtLJ



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Episode Related, Gen, Missing Scene, Vignette
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2005-12-12
Updated: 2005-12-12
Packaged: 2017-10-03 09:08:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LtLJ/pseuds/LtLJ
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A vignette set during the episode Epiphany.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Abandonment Issues

When the knapsack came through the damn door, John knew he was out of here, it was finally over.

Days of exploring a cave with nothing in it, sitting and watching a doorway that mocked him with an impenetrable pitch-dark surface. The first day had been the worst, because he kept expecting something to happen any second. For the energy field to fizzle and vanish, and for Rodney to be standing there, all smug and triumphant because his giant super genius brain had saved John's ass again, and John would pretend it was no big deal and say, "What took you so long?"

Or Rodney would toss something through the barrier, something John would need to open it from this side, something cobbled together frantically in the past few hours. That was probably it. Rodney had needed something besides his laptop and the tools he had in the jumper, maybe a better power source, and they had had to go back to Atlantis for it. John worked out how long that would take, to walk back to the jumper, to fly it home, allowing an hour to get the thing, two hours to be generous, then to travel back. Then that time had passed, and it had been stupid to work out a schedule, because obviously it would be more complicated than that. Rodney might have to research something in the Ancient database, maybe even get a team together to help him, and there was no way John could estimate that accurately, and he was just frustrating himself.

He knew they could get things through the barrier. Hell, he was here. And he had found that rock he had tossed through. It had been right in front of the doorway, an area he had had a lot of time to explore thoroughly when he had been lying there helpless and hoping nothing lived in this darkness like, say, bears, any variety of space monsters, Iratus bugs. Mostly Iratus bugs.

So had they somehow forgotten he wasn't sitting here with a full field pack? No MREs, no extra water, since he had expected to have access to the jumper, which had enough supplies for the four of them, even taking into account Rodney and the black hole that was Ronon's appetite, for a fucking month. And dammit, why hadn't he eaten more for breakfast this morning?

Exploring only took up so much time, when there wasn't much to explore except an empty cave and the dry country outside it, with no handy mountain streams, no local wildlife that he could spot. There was a green forest in the valley below the mountain, better country for survival, but it was more than a day's walk away.

Something had happened to them, and that was the thought stuck in his head on continuous loop. It explained everything, the delay, the absence of any attempt to contact him, even with just another rock to let him know they were still out there. In the confusion after he had been sucked through the field, they had been attacked by whatever built the damn barrier, and they were now prisoners. Or Rodney had blown something up trying to shut down the field and they had had to rush back to Atlantis for medical treatment, or they were running for their lives trying to get back to the jumper, or the Wraith had come to this empty planet on the off chance there might be some distracted humans trying to get their idiot team leader out of this trap before he succeeded in accidentally shooting himself and they had all been eaten by Wraith.

And thinking like that led to craziness and helpless pacing, burning off the water he couldn't replace, and it made way more sense that they had had to go back to Atlantis for help and there had been a delay somehow. Unable to find equipment or information that Rodney needed. A problem with the jumper. A problem with all the jumpers. The city coming under sudden attack and everybody being eaten by Wraith.

Then the ground shook and the knapsack landed in the dirt, and yes, water, a few power bars and-- "The hell?" He stared at the door, baffled. "That's it?" He searched the bag, turned it inside out, but there was nothing else. He clicked on the radio and yelled, "Two days, and this was all you guys could come up with?"

And he kept staring furiously at the door, because something else was going to come through it any moment. More supplies, a note, the camera with a recorded message, the thing that would get him the fucking hell out of here, and then he would feel stupid for getting angry, for freaking out with impatience. Because there was no way the reality in his head was real, there was no way what he was afraid of was actually happening.

He watched the barrier for a long time, until the fire started to burn out and the cold made his bones ache and he needed to look for more wood.

And that thing, that thing he had been trying not to think, was in his face now, unable to ignore. He forced it down again and pretended he thought that it was just another delay in whatever plan they had come up with. Carefully rationed, there was enough food and water for a few more days, so that was how long they thought it would take to get him out, how long he had to wait. So he waited.

***

He had to leave now, while he still had enough water to reach the valley. He left the arrow and transmitted a last message, like anybody gave a crap, like anybody was out there or had been out there for hours, days. Then he threw the radio away, because the battery was dying anyway and it was part of something that he wasn't anymore.

He hadn't had Ronon pegged as the kind of person who would leave a teammate behind so easily, but when it came down to it John still didn't know much about him except gut instinct, and his gut had been wrong before. But it had been _Rodney_ and _Teyla_ out there, and that was what...hurt so fucking much.

It wasn't like those first long months they were here, isolated from Earth, when they needed him, when they couldn't afford to lose him. He could be replaced now, and power and time and supplies were still important.

John started the long dry walk down the mountain.

  
**end**


End file.
